Preparing for Memorable Holiday Celebrations

For most families, holidays are filled with opportunities for togetherness, sharing, laughter and memories. But holidays can also be filled with stress, disappointment and sadness.

Someone with Alzheimer’s may feel a special sense of loss during the holidays and caregivers may feel overwhelmed maintaining holiday traditions while providing care.  In addition, caregivers may feel hesitant to invite family and friends over to share the holiday for fear they will be uncomfortable with behavior changes in the family member.  

The Alzheimer’s Association offers these suggestions that may help to make happy, memorable occasions before, during or after holiday celebrations:

Adjust expectations

• Discuss holiday celebrations with relatives and close friends. Call a face-to-face meeting or arrange for a long-distance telephone conference call to discuss major holiday celebrations. Make sure that family members understand the situation and have realistic expectations. By discussing past celebrations, you may be able to agree on how you’ll handle upcoming holidays.

• Give yourself permission to do only what you can reasonably manage. If you’ve always invited 15-20 people to your home, consider inviting five for a simple meal. Also consider asking others to bring dishes for a potluck meal or to host the meal at their home.

• Familiarize others with your situation by writing a letter that makes these points:

“I’m writing this letter to let you know how things are going at our house. While we’re looking forward to your visit, we thought it might be helpful if you understood our current situation before you arrive.

“You may notice that ___ has changed since you last saw him/her. Among the changes you may notice are ___.  I’ve enclosed a picture so you know how ___ looks now.

“Because ___ sometimes has problems remembering and thinking clearly, his/her behavior is a little unpredictable.  Please understand that ___ may not remember who you are and may confuse you with someone else. Please don’t feel offended by this. He/she appreciates your being with us and so do I. Please treat ___ as you would any person. A warm smile and a gentle touch on ___’s shoulder or hand will be appreciated more than you know.

“I would ask that you call before you come to visit or when you’re nearby so we can prepare for your arrival. Caregiving is a tough job, and I’m doing the very best I can. With your help and support, we can create a holiday memory that we’ll treasure.”

Involve the person with dementia

• Involve the person in safe, manageable activities throughout all stages of holiday preparation.  This can help to prepare the person for the holiday and give you an opportunity to spend quality time together. You may want to begin slowly by asking the person to help you prepare food, wrap packages, hand you decorations or set the table. (Avoid using candies, artificial fruits/vegetables or other edibles as decorations. Blinking lights may confuse the person.)

• Maintain the person’s normal routine so that holiday preparations don’t become disruptive or confusing. Remember: Taking on too many tasks at one time can wear on you and the person.

• Build on past traditions and memories. Your family member may find comfort in singing old holiday songs, for example. But also experiment with new holiday traditions.

Adapt gift giving

• Encourage people to buy useful gifts for the person such as an identification bracelet (available through Alzheimer’s Association Safe Return®); comfortable, easy-to-remove clothing; audiotapes of favorite music; videos of family members; and photo albums.

• Warn people about difficult or unsafe gifts. Advise people not to bring dangerous tools or instruments, utensils, challenging board games, complicated electronic equipment or pets.

• Allow the person to join in giving gifts. For example, someone who once enjoyed cooking may enjoy baking cookies and packing them in tins or boxes. Or, you may want to buy the gift and allow the person to wrap it.

Try to be flexible

• Consider celebrating over a lunch or brunch, rather than an evening meal (some people with Alzheimer’s become confused during evening hours).  Also consider serving nonalcoholic drinks and keeping the room bright.

• Prepare to deal with your post-holiday letdown. You may want to arrange for in-home care so you can enjoy a movie or lunch with a friend and reduce post-holiday stress.

Remember that holidays are opportunities to share time with the people you love. Try to make these celebrations easy on yourself and the person with Alzheimer’s disease so that you may concentrate on enjoying your time together.